Are you connected to the place of safety within yourself?


Dear Empath, 

I only recently grasped the power of being in my center.
It was a new realization: how much of my life I lived outside of my center, overextending, tuning into everything but myself.
Hyper-concerned with others’ thoughts, opinions, and perspectives.
Hyper-influenced by the emotional tone set by others.
Most of us are habituated to react without first going to our center. Most of us don’t even know that going to one’s center is a real option and how profoundly being centered can change our experience of a situation.
I was no different.
When I was in the presence of someone reacting in a strong way, I would react to their reaction, which would set off a rollercoaster of emotion and haphazard actions within me.
My efforts had one aim: to stop the pain and discomfort that their strong reaction was causing me. 
I could not bear NOT to react.
I offered myself as a sacrificial lamb to end the unwanted feelings, yet it came at a high price.
It was the price of my autonomy, my truth, my self-respect, and my trust in myself.
At the time, it seemed like a small price to pay to calm the air. But, in hindsight, I wasn’t aware of the true value of what I was giving away.  
In the world, we are constantly coming up against other people’s feelings, wants, needs, agendas, and ideas. As empaths, we let in more energetic information than we realize. Often, we experience it as if it were our own.
It’s wonderful to have the attributes of openness and compassion; however, when you are unable to discern what is yours and what is someone else’s, you squander energy by riding extreme emotions and remain muddled about what action is yours to take. You may forget to treat yourself with openness and compassion.
You become weighted down by the situation.

Your unique light and contribution gets covered up.
The world needs your light. The world needs you to be effectual as YOU.
The world needs you to have a strong stance on the dock of Reality, and if it is your divine assignment to help someone else, you will throw a lifebuoy out to the person flailing in the water, while you are anchored in safety. You don’t need to jump in and also risk drowning. You are much more effective up on the dock.
Think of a situation at work, with your family, friends, or even a more generalized situation in the world that has been impacting you. As you bring that situation to mind, notice what emotions you feel as you think about this situation and make a list.
Emotions are felt sensations in the body; energy in motion. You may not even have a name for the emotions. Your list could look something like this:
Tightness in my chest.
Heaviness my lungs.
Downward pulling on my sternum.
Brows furrowed.
Feeling of heaviness in the bottom of my feet.
Constriction in my stomach.
Tears coming into my eyes. 
Now, bring your awareness into your center. Focus on the area between your umbilicus, your belly button, and your xiphoid process, the base of your sternum. Stay curious as you feel your way through the subtle energy of your solar plexus. Trust your impressions and simply notice what you notice.
You are looking for the place within you where you are safe and glad and protected. It’s where things make sense to all parts of you. It’s the place from which you see and experience beauty. Your center is the essence of your being, the seat of the Creator within you. It is the place within you that is the most YOU. It is where you experience the perfection of creation that is YOU. Where you feel eager and happy within yourself. It is a Remembrance of who you are. It is your post of honor.
If you aren’t able to return to that place, you can spend time with the full guided meditation that is a part of Take Charge of Your Empathy: Live Connected and Protected and do the expressive arts exercise as another way of experiencing your center.

Once you have come into alignment with your center (and remember, this is something you can Energy Check: “am I 100% in my center?), see which of the sensations from your list are inside that space. 
It truly is as simple as noticing what feelings are present in your center and which of the feelings are located right outside your center.
If you are indeed centered, you will be able to tell. This is one of the reasons why being centered is so critical.
The emotions that show up in your center are the ones that are yours to process. They are the ones that have messages for YOU. Sit with those feelings and let them move through your body. Journal about them. Use your favorite energy technique to release them and seek the lessons they hold for you. This is the process of cleaning up your own inner world. 
Now look at your list and notice all the feelings (in the form of felt sensations in your body) you were carrying that were not yours, in your center.
You may be surprised by how many there are. 
How does the knowledge of these feelings not being yours change things for you?
From this place of being centered in your own energy, you can ask Energy some questions to help you get clear on what to do next.
The goal here is to come to see yourself and the situation through Love’s eyes.

  • Am I to continue to identify myself with these feelings (that are outside my center)?


  • Am I to return these feelings to their sender with love and consciousness?


  • Am I holding beliefs that cause me take up something that is not mine?


  • Am I being careless of others’ problems and pain by residing in my center of calm and peace?


  • Is there an action with my name on it?


  • Is my being in my center of calm actually helpful to this person or situation?

These are just suggestions. Keep asking the questions that come to your heart until your stomach and chest relax and you have a clear way forward.
Now, while each of these steps are simple, it doesn’t mean that any of them are easy.
A word of caution: do not get down on yourself if any of these steps makes you feel a little lost.
My aim here is to demystify the process. By making it as transparent as possible my hope is that you are better able to discern where you could use additional support. With practice, you can learn to guide yourself through these processes. 
And, we all need support. Nobody can see the back of their own head without help.

In particular, if you are coming out of an intense situation or are new to inner work, gift yourself with the support to help you move through the beliefs you hold that are causing you to suffer. Resources abound! Ask for the right thing to come your way. I am one of those resources. I am able to guide you through processes to help you release and dissolve the beliefs, feelings, and energies that keep you from being at peace in your center. I invite you to apply to work with me. Together, we will figure out the support that will best serve you right now. 
Since finding a tangible resting place of clarity within my center, I have somewhere safe to go when life’s waters get rough.
I have a refuge.
It’s not a place of denial or head-in-the-sand-ness.
It’s a place of power and strength from which I can take the next grounded, clear action that arises out of my own truth.
Being in my center allows me to include myself within the circle of loving-kindness that I am so willing to extend to others.
You have access to your own refuge.
How would your life be different if you had a safe place within yourself?

Much love, 

Kathryn Lucatelli